There’s a difference between working as a writer and running a writing business. As Avenue Z Writing Solutions grows, I’m discovering I need to dedicate more and more time to simply keeping the business going.

I now spend a couple of hours a day (at least) just … umm… doing business things: answering emails, setting appointments, maintaining my blog, etc. And that doesn’t include the time I should be spending on marketing and organization.

This may sound crazy, but I’m hiring an assistant, or at least I’m taking the steps to hire one. I placed an ad on craigslist this morning, and I just received my first reply.

I’m asking for help for 4 hours a week. This will give me a dedicated person to help with my blog and website, follow through with marketing, assist with research and bug me about doing my billing and accounting.

One of the main benefits will be the peace of mind I’ll get by being able to get some of my tasks out of my head. When I’m relaxing in the tub or running in the evening or heading off to bed, I’m ALWAYS feeling guilty about things left undone. I have great marketing ideas I want to put in motion. I need to really clean up this blog. I have to update the samples and testimonials on my website. These little things drive me crazy and make it almost impossible for me to truly relax.

Side note — Productivity Guru David Allen’s philosophy is that these little nagging thoughts are what stop you from being productive. His book rocks!

Thus, I’m hiring someone. I’m justifying it because I’m no longer hitting the coffee shop every day, and, believe it or not, I was spending almost as much per month at the coffee shop as I will be paying an assistant. Yeah. I had a problem.

Cross your fingers!

On Friday I had a call with a Senior Editor for a firm that creates websites for lawyers. On the phone, he sounded young and unhappy, impatient and tight lipped. I understand why he’s not happy to speak with me. I was hired to rewrite the content that his team wrote for my client, who is very unhappy with the content they produced. Having an outsider like me write the content was “very unusual to our standard process,” he said.

I’m not a lawyer, but I know how to write. Their original content was horrible. I tried to show Mr. Senior Editor a few examples of the inconsistencies, changes in tone, illogical sentences… and he said nothing. Perhaps he was nodding as he was texting on his iPhone. Maybe he was rolling his eyes. When he did talk, he mentioned over and over the ramifications and consequences of bringing me in and how it was going to mess up the SEO that was so important.

I had two sets of voices talking in my head about our conversation:

1. The confident voice said, “Buddy — I know enough about SEO to ensure it’s still there, and your writing is crap no matter what you’re trying to optimize.”
2. The smaller voice said, “Do I really know what I’m doing enough? Is he right?”

When we ended the call, it was my job to write a summary of our next steps to my client with a CC to Mr. Senior Editor.  I dashed off the plan and hit send.

As it was leaving my computer, I noticed my signature:

Avenue Z Writing Solutions

…copywriting solutions for organizations with something to say

bziesenis@avenuez.net

619 231 9225

The serious side: www.avenuez.net

What’s behind the curtain: www.lifeonavenuez.com

I thought of tight-lipped Mr. Senior Editor getting my email and clicking through to my blog through “What’s behind the curtain.” And then I thought of him clicking around my blog, learning about the things I do wrong, the insecurities I share, the “oh gosh” amazement I have that I’m able to live this life. I thought of his lip perhaps moving into a sneer as he had the opportunity to judge. Perhaps he caught a typo or he really hated my writing style. Perhaps he just enjoyed how ridiculous I look when I put myself out there.

Hell. I don’t even know if he clicked on the link. He may have actually enjoyed his visit here. He may think I’m a cool chick, or he may not care in the slightest. But when I clicked the link in my own signature and tried to see this blog through his eyes, I saw a very exposed, very real human being. And I again felt small.

This is the long way to get to the point of this post: Though I frequently feel very vulnerable for not putting up a brave front, I prefer being a real human being. I’m glad I don’t sit in an office and leave my smiles and winces at home. I’m not afraid to show my soft underbelly.

The other day I discovered another real human being, and I want to share him. He’s Matt Harding, and he traveled around the world dancing in dozens of cities with hundreds of strangers. Here’s his blog, where he talks about how tired he gets of people thinking he did the dancing on a green screen or how tough it was to read that someone called him “doughy.” That’s real. Here’s a post on a marketing website about Stride Gum’s sponsorship of Matt’s dancing trips and how their low-profile advertising technique kept the project even more real.

And, more importantly, here’s the video, which makes me tear up each time I watch it. I admire Matt for being real, and I strive to be as real as he is.

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

I just had a quick call with a client. It was the third of three for today.

All three have been intense and very, very different — marketing and promotion plans for a Web 2.0 company; a detailed discussion of a new wireless technology (with an engineer); a  rapid-fire discussion of four different projects for a pediatrician’s website.

At the end of the third call, I started to wrap up things as usual with a list of to-do items.

I drew a complete and utter blank.

I couldn’t remember one of the items I needed to task out. Nothing.

Saturated. Completely. Nothing else would sink in.

Luckily I just discovered something called a frosting shot that cupcake bakeries are selling. I’m going to go see if I can find one.

Have a nice weekend.

I’ve been rockin’ busy this morning with calls, emails and plans. I have another telecon in 20 minutes, and I need several minutes to prepare. I’m hectic and productive.

At about 11 a.m. I took out a healthful chicken breast to cook for lunch. Seven minutes ago I realized I was starving and didn’t have time to wait, so I frantically stuffed down some broken, stale tortilla chips, dipping them into the mostly empty dregs of three bottles of salsas and spreads.

You’d think I’d be able to manage lunch better since I work at home.You’d think I’d remember that yesterday someone thought I looked thin.

You’d be wrong.

It’s noon and I just updated my overall to-do list (not all due today): 14 major categories/clients/things to finish.

My writing group starts in 75 minutes, and I have decided not to go, justifying that I have too much to do.

But that’s not the real reason. The true feet-dragging motivation is because I know I don’t know what the hell I’m doing in that class.

Am I really ready to write fiction again? Is it time to start a book based on this blog? Do I want to spend time critiquing other writers’ works?

I keep coming up with the same answer: No. I’m not ready. I’m not focused on piling on other writing responsibilities right now. My business keeps me busy, and I don’t know what I’d do with new stories or manuscripts I might produce for the class. I haven’t written one new thing since I started working with them. I keep resurrecting short stories I never submitted for publication. They’ve all been critiqued before, and they’re pretty solid. I just don’t want to go to the group empty handed, so I print out the stuff from 2006 and earlier, the last time I wrote creative stuff.

I could use a life coach right now to give me guidance about what I really want to be when my writing business grows up. Am I a fiction writer at heart? A speaker and writer of nonfiction business books? A writer of essays and columns? Or do I really want to completely jump off the writing ship in a couple of years and travel around the world helping out in disaster-striken areas (don’t laugh… this crosses my mind a lot)?

For now, I’m going to work through my to-do list and skip the writing group. Today at least, I’m a business woman with clients to please and marketing to plan. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll see if a pen and paper and a cup of coffee might lead me to write something besides a to-do list for Avenue Z.