When great isn’t good enough
Last Sunday I was sitting in the steam room of an upscale spa that sits steps from the water in Pacific Beach. I arrived a couple of hours before my appointment for a Vanilla Latte Pedicure so I could take some time to clear my mind.
I decided the day was going to be about celebrating the good things in my life. As I sat there sweating in the eucalyptus-scented room, I vowed to not leave until I had listed 50 things that I was grateful for.
I started off pretty easy:
- I am sitting in a spa in San Diego, California, waiting for someone to pamper me.
- I’m healthy.
- I run marathons (but I should be running faster).
- My mom’s doing well.
- I love what I do for a living (but I want to write for myself).
- I own my own business (but I should be doing more).
- I have lots of loyal clients (but I owe them some stuff… I should have finished that press release… I need to take care of that… oh no! I need to write that letter!…)
The more I tried to add to the list, the more BUTs I added to each item. On certain items (like the one about the loyal clients), I got so far off track thinking about all I hadn’t done that I forgot I was making a list at all!
This is crazy… I have so much to be thankful for. Yet instead of focusing on how much I have, I worry incessantly about how much I haven’t done. This is especially true when it comes to my career. I have persistent feelings of being far behind in my business. I should be juggling more clients, making more money, writing more of my own words vs. other people’s brochures.
How do we combat this? How do we look at what we have without focusing on what’s missing? I know a dozen writers who have other jobs and would love to be making a living doing what I do. And yet I feel like I’m slacking, not pushing hard enough, not living up to my potential.
I have a feeling many of you do the same thing… how do you fight the negative thinking? I’d love to hear your ideas…
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Global Patriot on 09 Nov 2009 at 7:03 am #
Your feelings are quite common Beth, and it’s due to the fact that when you’re good at what you do, two things happen: 1) Lots of people want to work with you, 2) You come to realize that there is a long list of other projects that you would like to pursue.
And there’s the rub, increased demand for your talent, and a huge desire to learn/explore new talents.
In the end it’s about priorities – balancing the work and exploration – realizing that we can’t do everything we dream of, but thankful that we can do so much of it!
Nichole Brown on 09 Nov 2009 at 4:53 pm #
I completely relate. Some months ago I started a blog called gratitude journal. All I had to do was post sething that I was grateful for each day. It lasted just a couple of weeks. I found it challenging to find something everyday. Bit I know there are things; I just don’t focus on them. I’m still working on changing my thinking and my outlook.
dragonfly on 10 Nov 2009 at 8:37 am #
“Positive framing” has been my mantra for more than 20 years, trying to train staff to say “Remember” instead of “Don’t Forget” for example. When it rains, there must be a rainbow somewhere. So when I look at the things in my life for which I am grateful (instead of whining about the “BUTs”) I can say: I have cancer but I feel healthy, or I can say: I am healthy – but I have cancer – which is the way I choose to look at it. It seems to work for my professional life as well “BUT” it took me a long time to figure that out.
You have a talent, Beth, as well as good business and common sense (which I am learning is not so “common”) and you will start to see those “BUTs” as “ANDs” sooner rather than later.
Dream Design Builder on 10 Nov 2009 at 9:21 pm #
It’s classic behavior for an overachiever to focus on what you haven’t accomplished. In our office, we’re working on a no complaining rule. Some of us even have reminders around our wrists. Just like for you and what you find yourself doing (focusing on what you haven’t done), if we let ourselves, we’ll do the same and get caught up in how much better we could perform instead of celebrating how well we actually did and all the goals we’ve exceeded.
It’s all a matter of your mindset. So we’re choosing to try to focus ourselves on the positives. We do a lot of leadership related activities in our office because we feel like a staff that grows together overall makes for happier families at home, happier work environments and better teams to work with in the long run for our customers.
Attitude is everything! Keep up the great writing and thanks for the inspiration!
Andrea on 11 Nov 2009 at 3:31 pm #
Remember…within those “but” statements lie your next goals. Why do we learn to see them as negatives, instead of appreciating they provide opportunity for us to decide where we want to move our life next?
Mark McClure on 15 Nov 2009 at 2:49 am #
Hi Beth,
You marathon runners are always trying to bust through PRs!
Why not just practice ‘mastery’ and stay on the plateau for a while?
http://www.the5keystomastery.com/_The+5+Keys.html