What have you accomplished? Who have you helped? What does it matter?
An inspirational Twitter friend recently embarked on an upgrade to her career, and she’s doing very well. I started talking to her when she was making some big decisions about whether to take the leap, and she just wrote this to me:
Couldn’t have done it with out your and @sdtips support! Many many thank yous to both of you!
I’m so grateful and pleased that my encouragement helped her find the courage to do something that makes her very happy. Her success is a wonderful gift that makes me smile, and I’m humbled she feels I had a hand in it.
As a 40-year-old woman, I’ve been taking stock of the lives I’ve touched, the impact I’ve made. I’ve suffered for many years from existential angst, the kind of contemplation that makes you wonder why you’re here, what you’re doing, what difference it might make. Much of this, I think, stems from the fact that I chose not to have children. My sister and my parents have proof that they are here for a reason. They have made a tangible contribution to the world we live in, and they consider their children a justification of their existence. Or at least that’s how I see it.
So, how do those of us who don’t contribute to the continuation of the human race measure a successful life? If I die tomorrow, is the world a better place because I breathed?
I suppose the desire to write books comes from the drive to make an impact, to leave a small mark. But there’s a chance that the book dream won’t come true (mostly because of my fears of success, failure and mediocrity). But if I look at the sum of the little things, I think I can come to the conclusion that I’ve made a difference.
- Igniting a passion for running
I had run one marathon when I started inviting my wonderful friend Erin to run with me. We started slowly, with lots of walk breaks and plenty of uplifting conversation. I pushed Erin along the Embarcadero to run her first 5k without stopping, and she and I celebrated in the parking lot when she finished. I was so proud.Erin moved to Davis to work on her Ph.D., but we keep in touch. She recently ran her first half marathon.
- Helping someone right a wrong
A receptionist at a company where I worked was struggling with the basic English skills she needed to do her job. Our boss was sick of the grammar, spelling and punctuation errors, and she was going to lose her job. I’m a former English teacher, so I approached the boss with a plan to tutor her to get her up to speed. He accepted.The receptionist not only improved her skills, she ended up getting the confidence to finally take her G.E.D., which she passed. She had always been humiliated that she didn’t finish high school, and she cried when she got the results.
- Making people feel
I think some of the things I write and say have the ability to evoke emotion. I kinda think I’m funny, or maybe I think I’m kinda funny. Some of my written pieces have elicited passionate responses from readers, whether it’s amusement, sadness, empathy or excitement. When I attended a read-and-critique class, I almost swooned when people would say with emphasis, “I LOVED this piece.” Or they’d come up to me after and tell me how my words had touched them. When I take people away for a few minutes and give them a small escape, I consider that an accomplishment.
There are other anecdotes I could list here. I was in the Peace Corps, and I volunteer for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society; but I always get much more out of volunteering than I put in, so I don’t consider that much of a contribution. I used to buy breakfast for a homeless guy who lived under the overpass near my house (until he stripped naked and laid himself out on the American flag — then we stopped seeing him around). But these little things add up and give me a sense that my life will matter, even if I don’t finish that novel.
I want to hear your stories. Tell me one thing you’ve done to help someone or some thing. If one of your accomplishments is a healthy family, please share.
Andrea on 09 Jun 2009 at 12:19 pm #
Hey Beth. I think most of us have no real idea of all of the little ways we contribute to others and to the larger world. I have two stories that stand out for me.
First, I have a dear friend who has struggled with depression most of her life. When we met (more years ago than I care to mention), she was dropping out of college at the end of her freshman year and was convinced she didn’t have the mental balance required to focus on and complete a degree. When she decided to return to school, I helped her with homework for a Calculus class. I was teaching math at this point in my life and I shared my passion for math with her. This year she will be completing her PhD….in mathematics.
The second story is about a child, but not one I raised. When I was 18 I had a daughter. Being single, a teenager, and generally clueless, I put her up for adoption. Her parents are amazing and she has had an incredible family and a remarkable life. I have become (in my own quiet way) an advocate for open adoption since my own experience was so positive.
It’s good to reflect from time to time and consider where we go next.
Thanks for reminding me that “I Am Special”
Beth from Avenue Z on 09 Jun 2009 at 1:58 pm #
Andrea, your stories made me tear up. You’ve truly made a difference in this world. Thanks so much for sharing.
Gutsy Writer on 09 Jun 2009 at 6:49 pm #
Beth, it’s been ages since I visited you. I have 3 kids, but question what I’m here for, just as much as you do. I wanted to point that out to you, as we all struggle–perhaps selfishly–to find something that we love doing that will give us direction, passion and BALANCE in life. We want to feel important. I think as we get older, we are supposed to feel less competitive and more satisfied with ourselves. Great topic.
Global Patriot on 13 Jun 2009 at 2:48 pm #
There is so much wisdom in simply asking the question, “Is the world a better place because of me?”
If we asked that question every morning and every night I believe our actions throughout the day would be much different.
You have made a difference in so many lives Beth, and for every one that you know about, there are dozens of examples that have happened behind the scenes.
Wendy on 17 Jun 2009 at 7:02 am #
Wow, and I thought bitter was the new black!
I don’t have any stories as touching as yours, but I have written lots of profiles of people who later told me they felt much better about themselves when they saw all their accomplishments in print. I think a lot of people have semi-low self esteem until they see their lives summed up in print…and it’s not their obituary!
Joleeann on 25 Jun 2009 at 9:39 pm #
I really love this topic. As a high school teacher on a campus with a large percentage of at-risk students; I’m sure some would say that the number of people I have helped is great. But to look at the questions;”Is the world different because I was here? Why I am I here?”is even harder to deal with. The thing that makes me wonder is that I know I have helped some kids while they were in highschool but what happened to them 5 or 10 years later…I don’t know. Life usually takes over and very seldom do I hear from these students again.
So then I think, Is it selfish to want to believe that someone’s life is really different because I became a part of it? I guess it all depends on how you look at it.
I can tell you this. Even though it can be very draining; I will only work with at-risk students; why…because everyone wants to work with the good kids but the world is full of kids who at some point and time were not so “good”. We (young and seasoned) deserve a world in better shape than what it is now. The only way to make that happen is to affect someone or something in a positive way, NOW.
So, even if your not sure of why you here or what your purpose is, just keep doing what you do best. We may never know the full extent of our presence on this earth but the people we touched will, the world will become a place and that will just have to be good enough.