This morning I got an email from Dancing Deer, my favorite place to buy cookies for my clients. “Share Your Story!” the subject line read.

The email was mostly an ad about their glorious brownies, cookies and cakes, with glowing testimonials by the scrumptious pictures. “Share Your Story!” they said. “Your feedback is our most powerful source of insight about how we’re doing. It is also our best reward!”

They asked me to submit an anecdote of why I love them for their blog. I declined — not because I don’t love them, but because there was nothing in it for me. (Keep reading this post… something in it for you at the bottom!)

I wanted a chance to win free brownies. Better yet, I wanted some free brownies! I wanted some incentive to spend my very precious time to help their marketing efforts.

Lately I’ve become very selfish with my time. When I first started working for myself as a professional writer, I spent lots and lots of time on things that didn’t move me forward. It has taken me a long time to realize how valuable each hour is — how much energy I spend with little 10-minute detours that don’t get me anywhere.

When you work for yourself, it’s easy to lose track of the value of time. After all, we can work on weekends. We don’t feel like someone’s taking advantage of us when we put in a 12-hour day. It’s all for our own benefit, right?

But very recently I did some math that scared me.

• Each day has 24 hours.
• I sleep about 8 hours a night. 16 hours left.
• I workout an average of an hour a day, give or take. 15 hours left.
• Showering, eating, milling about — that’s another 2 hours or so. Down to 13 hours.
• A little breathing time takes up probably 3 hours a day — TV, visiting with D.J., petting the cat. 11 hours.
• Answering email takes at least an hour, sometimes 2. It’s the little things that pile up. “Beth, what do you think of this idea?” “Beth, when can you meet for our next project?” All these notes require a few back-and-forth emails, and they all take time. Down to 8 hours.
• I need to bill at least 3-4 hours a day to make a living. That leaves about 4 hours.
• The 4 hours simply… go away. I Twitter them. I pop on to Facebook. I check our stock portfolio, a meager amount of investments that D.J. and I have fun watching. I’m embarrassed to admit I enjoy watching Yahoo! TV’s Primetime in No Time. It’s silly, but it makes me smile. And I check other stuff. And stand outside in the San Diego sunshine. And people call. And the cat sits on the keyboard. And the time just goes away.

I feel very sad that I don’t feel like I have the time to invest a few minutes for a company I admire. But doing so doesn’t move me forward, and I have to keep my priorities straight. My reaction (which was immediate and decided without hesistation) also gave me insight into my own dealings with people. What I offer has to be worth your time. What I write, what I do, what I give all need to be valuable to you.

On that note, did you sign up for my first-ever giveaway? Tell me your favorite free or low-cost tech tool for a chance to win a gift certificate from Amazon.com!

Your car breaks down, and the shop gives you an estimate that makes you gulp. But you have no choice, of course, and the shop fixes your car. When you go to pick it up, you expect it to run… better…. You want the car to be shinier or smoother or perhaps you thought that other little noise you felt in the engine would be gone. After all, you paid all that money… shouldn’t it be better?

Nope. The car simply runs again. That’s it. You paid them money to make it run again, and it does. Mission accomplished. You don’t get extra value just because you paid the price they asked for. If you want that other little engine noise to go away, you have to go in and say, “Please take out this particular rattle,” and they will give you a price to do so. And they still won’t wash and shine it for you.

I recently commissioned a complete overhaul of Avenue Z Tool Box, the site of free and low-cost tools that grew out of this one. It’s pretty much finished, and I’ll be launching it this week (probably). I had attached significant importance to the group I hired to do the work. Going back to the car analogy — they’re one of the best mechanics in town. I admire their site, their work and their message, and the new site looks wonderful.

But upon looking back at the hopes I had for the new site, I realized at 3 a.m. that there’s not much different between the new site and the old site. “I want it to look better!” I told them. And it does. “I want to have these gidgets and gadgets!” I said. And it does. They gave me exactly what I told them I wanted, and I have nothing to complain about — it really does look fabulous! And yet I still feel like I’m missing something.

I guess I didn’t want them to simply follow my directions. I guess I wanted them to give me direction… to tell me which gidgets I should use and where. I wanted them to tell me that I was doing this wrong and that right and to offer me the super secret recipe for success that others have figured out. And when the new site finally came to me, I expected there to be some breakthrough idea and format that would make my ideas click and my vision come to life. But the final product is simply a very attractive version of what my original site looks like, with the bells and whistles I asked for. Nothing more.

So this prompts the question… does a magic bullet actually exist? Are there these perfect solutions to our problems that we just need to discover, things we think everyone else knows and we’re left out? I have to turn the mirror to my own business when I ask this question because sometimes I think my clients expect the same thing. They think, “If I hire a professional writer to put together my electronic newsletter, I KNOW the phone will start ringing!” They hire me, spend hundreds developing a newsletter, send out the first version and find out that only 25 percent of the email recipients even opened the newsletter, and a very small percentage bothered to click through to something. And the phone? Dead. Nothing. Not one call. So, was the client’s money wasted by hiring me?

No, I tell them. When you’re creating content, articles, ideas for your potential customers, it takes a while to create momentum, to build trust, to see a return on your investment. The first 3 newsletters might lead to absolutely nothing, but perhaps after the 4th, your potential customer might begin to remember your name. If they can afford to have patience, our strategy will pay off, especially in the long run. If they want a faster way to generate leads, then developing content is probably not going to work for them.

When it comes to my new site, I should stop thinking of THE SITE as the path to getting a return on the investment I’ve made in writing this blog and the other. Sure, the site needs to look good, and it does. But a great-looking site is just one step in a series of steps I need to take to make that part of my business take off. In other words, I need to embrace the site and learn to make the most of it, not sit around and regret that it wasn’t the answer in and of itself.

This is my cat, Mickey Mouse. Today she chose the back of the couch in front of the bay window for a morning snooze.

I envy this cat, but not just because she has the ability to nap at any time.

I envy her because she knows:

• Exactly when to nap
• Exactly where to nap
• Exactly how long to nap
• Exactly what position to nap in

I’m not sure of a single small business owner — or even a single person in any circumstance — who acts with that degree of certainty. When we make decisions, we weigh pros, evaluate cons, ask for advice, reverse our first choices and sometimes regret our decisions. I ponder “perhapses” and “what ifs” and “if onlys” and “maybes” until I forget what it is that I’m actually deciding.

I’m in the process of revamping the Avenue Z Tool Box completely. I’ve hired a design firm to give me a new look and some great new tools. And I’m putting energy into getting ready for the relaunch, finding sponsors, setting up ratings, preparing advertising campaigns… all in preparation for what I hope will be a successful book (or book series) about freelancing.

But IS IT WHAT I WANT TO DO? Am I making the right choice? Should I just keep writing away for my clients? Should I focus on writing fiction? Would someone please tell me how to steer the next few years of my life? Ugh! Who put me in charge?

Oh, to simply KNOW what is right. To be born with the idea that decisions are simple, peaceful things that take no more energy than stretching in a patch of sunlight. I’ve not once seen my cat look from window to couch to window again, wondering which spot will bring the most pleasure. She simply walks past me, flicks her tail and settles into the best spot in the house each and every time, no matter where it is.

After this picture was taken this morning, Mickey begged for D.J.’s cereal bowl so she could finish the milk. Then, without hesitation, she marched into my office and jumped on her blanket, which I placed over D.J.’s leather briefcase in the printer stand. That is exactly where Mickey wants to be. No discussion needed.