At 4 this morning, I gave up sleeping. Blame the rich lobster tail and stuffed baked potatoes we had for dinner last night, or perhaps the 10,000 things I have on my mind, or maybe the faint smell of beach bonfires that sometimes linger in the air now that I live right on the beach. Whatever the reason, I found myself this morning with a rare opportunity to GET SOMETHING DONE.

Perfect, I thought. I can catch up with my Twitter friends. Or better yet, I can start on the outline of my nonfiction book. Or maybe try to empty out the email inbox, or edit my friend’s resume, or perhaps finally set up a Facebook page. Oh yeah, I need to add a few more entries to the Avenue Z Toolbox. Oohh… I have it…. I wrote 1500 words on my novel last Sunday with the San Diego writer’s group. Why don’t I add to that?

Or…

Or…

Or…

So now it’s close to 6 a.m. The possibilities of my precious, uninterrupted time period were too much for me. I ended up hanging the laundry, drinking some Alka-Seltzer, cleaning up a gift the cat left for me, making coffee, and sitting at this computer checking stats and reading about how Michelle Obama thinks their new puppy, Bo, is “kind of crazy.” (To my credit and our country’s embarrassment, this story made headlines everywhere.)

Absolutely nothing is wrong with the way I just spent the last two hours. My activities were normal and necessary (except for the puppy news), and I have nothing to be embarrassed about. If I had added those items to the list of possibilities for what I could do this morning, I would feel like I had accomplished something. Instead, I feel as if I completely wasted my window of opportunity.

I faced two obstacles. All the items on my list were important, and all of them would have filled the relatively small chunk of time I had free. I had no way of prioritizing these random to do thoughts. They kept materializing like popcorn as I poured the coffee. And since I couldn’t choose, I did none of the above.

I have a great way of dealing with my work tasks, but I haven’t yet applied that system to tasks that don’t involve direct revenue generation. For work, I write a to do list each day, on real paper. All the upcoming tasks I have for each client are listed, and those that are due today (or in the immediate future) receive a swipe of a yellow highlighter. That notepad stays directly in front of my keyboard all day, and my close of business doesn’t happen until all the yellow line items are gone.

But I don’t have such a list for my other hopes and dreams. I’m still trying to find direction with the book ideas. I still haven’t figured out how I want to brand myself in social media (Facebook, Twitter, etc.). I’m revamping Avenue Z Toolbox, so I’m not going to pour a lot of effort into building traffic until I have the new look (coming soon!). Until I truly embrace a plan for my future endeavors, I fear I’ll keep shuffling in place instead of moving forward when I have a precious window of free time.

Oh well. Perhaps more coffee will help.

MTV’s first foray into programming other than music videos was a game show called “Remote Control.” Ken Ober played the host, and he asked contestants ridiculous questions about television culture.

In one segment, Ken would name a celebrity and ask the contestants to identify whether the person was “Dead or Living in New Jersey.”

Dead or Living in New Jersey. Beautiful. The phrase just cracks me up. It has stuck with me all these years, and I’ve used it in one of my short stories as well as various conversations throughout the years.

But no one catches the reference, and I find myself contemplating the cultural reference/conversation base that is unique to me. Another example… I’d be hard pressed to find someone who would understand if I said, “I’M FED UP, ARNOLD, AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!” This, of course, was uttered by Arnold Horshack in a famous “Welcome Back, Kotter” episode called Sweatwork. Arnold fights to revive a radio station and gets a little out of control.

These are but two of the phrases that pass through my mind as I go about my life. Both from bad television, but that’s just a coincidence. I have some from bad movies as well. These concepts, these mantras, these slogans stick with me and come to mind, and I’ve created my only little cultural history that no one else has.

If I’ve created this cultural identity that is unique to me, that means you have, too. You have stories that no one else knows, phrases you use to punctuate moments in your life, perhaps your own theme song (I frequently hear the overature from “West Side Story” as I type). As I learn to write fiction, I’m excited about hearing my characters’ stories, almost as much as I am about hearing yours.

A couple of weeks ago, I received a random email from the leader of a local open mic prose night. She told me one of my short stories had been selected for their showcase night.

I completely lost it! I started blubbering to D.J. about my fiction writing and how I didn’t really know if I wrote good fiction or if I could write or novel or if I should stick to writing for other people or or or…. I hadn’t even entered my name into the selection process — they had selected my piece from a reading I did almost 2 years ago.

I felt a beam of light shine down from the heavens onto my BlackBerry as I read her email.

This was a sign.

…A sign that I was a real writer at heart.

…A sign that I could write fiction.

…A sign that I should start working on one of the 3 or 4 novel ideas that stream through my head before I rise in the morning.

I’ve been going through somewhat of a writer’s crisis. Right now I make a living writing for other people. I’m ready to make a switch to start writing more for myself. But I’ve learned a lot about the book publishing industry, and I’m torn between what may be an emotional calling vs. a common-sense plan that will bring in revenue. What should I do?

Here are what I see as my potential projects and options:

1. Better safe than sorry, right?: I’m making a pretty good living writing for other people. Why mess with what works in an economy like this?
2. Really, this is a no-brainer: In 1996, my sister and I worked our way around the country for six months, doing everything from washing airplanes and windows to working in a spice factory, a bacon plant and an egg-packing facility. I wrote “America on Five Dollars an Hour,” and it was accepted for publication. At the last minute, the publisher and I had a parting of the ways (very long story).The manuscript needs a good revision, but it’s a book that’s done. I could rewrite the proposal and shop it around.
3. Now this one might work: I’ve built a successful business, not an amazing business, but a successful business, by being what I indelicately call a “Cheapass Freelancer.” I use free tech tools, invest in cheap marketing techniques, eat cheap food and take financial shortcuts wherever I can. I think others would benefit from my tips and tricks, so I was thinking of a book tentatively titled, “1000 Tips to Make a Decent Living as a Cheapass Freelancer.” (The title needs help, I know.) I could start off with an ebook here then work toward self-publishing and travel around making presentations. I’m pretty confident that this would resonate with people, especially as so many are laid off and starting their own freelancing businesses.
4. Starting to dream: I want to spend a year doing volunteer work for dozens and dozens of organizations and causes and write a book called “A Month of Sundays: A Year of Volunteering in America.” I actually had interest in this concept from a literary agent, but he and I had gone out together, so maybe he wasn’t really interested.
5. Getting a little nutty: Publishers love it when writers have an idea for a series of books, so she can build an audience that buys each new volume. I want to write a series based on my travels with my sister: two smart yet quirky chicks who get odd jobs in state after state and wind up embroiled in mysteries they need to solve.
6. Beth, really? Come on now: I’m fascinated with the interplay between certain scenarios/personalities and the media. I’ve got two novels in mind that will be funny, fast-paced social commentaries. One is based on the runaway bride episode, where a bride got cold feet and disappeared, only to claim that she was kidnapped. The second is about the myth of celebrity, where the ultimate inaugural ball (or some event) is supposed to include “everybody who is anybody.”

Dear readers, what should I do? As the numbers of the list get higher, the potential for revenue in the near future (or ever!) gets more remote. But if I don’t take the risk, nothing will change, and I will continue to have dreams of books never written in my head….

I’d love your feedback. What would you do?

PS — The reading is Tuesday night. Here are the details…