Haven’t I seen you here before?
A few weeks ago on Twitter, a woman posted a link to her blog. Her blog post was unremarkable, a story of a woman doing too much with too many dreams set aside. She made promises to herself that she would start carving out time to reach her own goals. We’ve all written those posts.
But the funny thing is that the post had a subscript. “Oh my God. I’m exactly where I was 5 years ago,” she wrote, with a link to another post. The post from 2004 was an exact replica of the newer post, putting a painful time stamp on proof that she wasn’t making any progress, even though she had vowed to do better before.
The same thought struck me somewhat when I wrote my last post. I talked about how recent stresses in my life had made me realize how important writing is to me and had clarified how much I want to write for myself. Sometimes these revelations that are crystal clear seem like they’ve come from nowhere, but the truth is we’ve probably promised ourselves the same things before. We’ve vowed to accept our bodies. We’ve sworn that we’ll start volunteering. We’ve promised we’ll be better parents, siblings, children, significant others.
But how often have we really decided on change then made it happen?
Perhaps I’m the worst person in the world to analyze this, but hey… it’s my blog, right? I think in order for us to actually implement the change we want to make, three things need to be true.
- We have to make the change for the right reason. We won’t make real changes if we’re doing it because someone else wants us to. I tried for YEARS to get my father to stop smoking. As a kid I drew skull-and-crossbones pictures on his cigarette packs with thick black markers. And my ex-husband wanted me to lose weight. Take a guess how those two initiatives ended.
- We have to believe we’re worthy of the change. When we dream, we usually hope for things that will make us feel good, look better, earn more money or invite more happiness. If deep down we don’t believe we’re worthy of advancement, we won’t work very hard to take ourselves out of our present reality.
- We have to believe the change itself is worth it. Perhaps it’s just a little niggle of a concern that passes through your conscious mind while your thoughts are whizzing by. What if what I’m trying to do just isn’t worth it? Change of almost any type is challenging and takes extra energy. It’s much easier to muddle along in the muddle you know instead of getting into something you don’t know will work.
For those of us who keep making plans and getting frustrated when we don’t achieve our goals, perhaps we should examine the real reasons we keep making excuses. I want to be a published author, yet I have to ask myself if I’m doing that because *I* want to be an author or because other people will think it’s cool that I’m an author. I doubt my ability to write, and there’s a little voice inside me that tells me I’m not good enough to be one of the *real* authors, the ones who don’t have to keep their day jobs. And I’m not sure if what I want to write is worth the effort of writing it. Yes, I can probably write a book that some people would want to buy, but would it help people?
So, what other reasons do you think people have for putting off change?
Deirdre Reid on 30 Mar 2009 at 4:01 pm #
I once had a trainer who said that there are two reasons why people don’t work out — fear and laziness. I think that goes for change too, although fear might be the stronger reason — fear of failure, fear of what others might say, fear of the unknown.
The best way to combat that fear is to ask “what’s the worst thing that could happen” and see if the answer is something you can deal with — it usually is. Once you’ve made one big change and survived, you can use that experience as a reference when you want to make a big change again. It’s always easier the second time.
Andrea on 31 Mar 2009 at 3:47 pm #
Someone once told me what motivates change is pain. When you are in enough pain (physical, emotional, spiritual, etc) you will change.
I don’t think I believe pain is the ONLY thing that motivates change, but I do think there is some truth to it.
Steph on 02 Apr 2009 at 7:00 pm #
Wow, I was going to say exactly what Deirdre said: fear and laziness. I have both of those problems. mostly fear of hard work, failure, and success. I get totally inspired or motivated for as long as it takes to write a blog post, and then I fall back into some sort of stupor that I suppose I stick with because it’s more comfortable.
It sucks, but the thing is, most of the time, the change I want to bring about is motivated by something negative, like guilt, fear of commitment, fear of the emotion involved, etc.
Steph on 02 Apr 2009 at 7:02 pm #
Please ignore the misplaced commas in that last comment! Sheesh.
Global Patriot on 03 Apr 2009 at 11:10 am #
I spent two years writing a novel, and while I thought the reason was to become a published author, the old adage “it’s the journey, not the destination” defined the experience.
I always encourage people to follow their passion, regardless of the reason or the chance of success. There is so much to be learned along the way – things you had never imagined.
Here’s a good example…If I had never started my blog I would have never met the incredible @AvenueZ, and what a shame that would have been!
Gluten Free Steve on 14 Apr 2009 at 10:41 am #
One of my favorite quotes is “We must be willing to get rid of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us” (by Joseph Campbell). I stumbled across that one a few years back, and have it sitting on my desk daily. Do I follow it? Not always, but is it motivating for the future to make change? Absolutely.