I’m a little lonely today
If you stick with me through a short pity party, I’ll relate it to a point about business. Promise…
I’m just plain old lonely this week. D.J. (the boyfriend) is in Fiji on a diving trip. He left on Thursday and won’t be back until next Saturday. I’ve become pretty accustomed to spending my weekends with him, and his absence has brought to light a problem I didn’t know I had….
I’m running low on friends.
My awesome buddy Erin moved to Davis to work on her Ph.D. My superlative friend Jenny has been busy with her new business, and we used to see each other often at the coffee shop that I rarely visit anymore. Some of my friends are busy with their own new significant others, and I’m very much to blame for letting other relationships grow quiet because I hang out with D.J. so much.
So, when D.J. is gone, I feel pretty sorry for myself. I spent this weekend pretty much alone: Ran 13 miles alone. Drank coffee in the coffee shop alone. Ate alone. I got a last-minute invite to a San Diego Chargers’ playoff game get-together, but instead chose to sit here and lament that I wasn’t *really* invited (meaning thought of earlier) to a Chargers’ watching get-together. I’m pathetic.
(Ok, here’s where I start to make a relevant point.)
In the not too distant past, my dance card was full. I gave and attended parties. I met friends for coffee. I chatted online with buddies, cajoled girlfriends into going to workout with me, met other runners for long runs…. But then I put a lot of my social energy into one relationship (D.J.), and I stopped seeking new ones or even nurturing current ones. I have to say that I also withdrew a bit when we found out about Mom’s health.
And this, my friends, can also happen in business. Do you have a big, fancy new client with large projects? Do a few key clients keep your business running? Sometimes we get caught up in taking care of our biggest and brightest relationships and forget to think about the future.
What if your boyfriend dumps you… err… I mean what if your main contact from your biggest client leaves her job (this happened to me twice)? Are you giving enough attention to your smaller clients — the ones that don’t call often? Perhaps you could prompt new projects by getting back in touch.
And, most importantly, are you always making the effort to talk to new potential clients? How are you building your database of contacts? How are you keeping in touch? What are your plans for being the person they think of when they need the type of services you offer?
One more question… If D.J.’s traveling on Super Bowl Sunday, can I come to your house?
Cade Long on 11 Jan 2009 at 9:06 pm #
I have been at that very spot before and it doesn’t feel very good. Even with a GF; I have learned to maintain friendships and not let them slide. My GF is understanding and I encourage her to maintain her freindships prior to us. Those friends and your activities prior to any relationship are part of your identity and what drew your significant other to you. So I would mend some bridges and keep those friendships.
Gutsy Writer on 11 Jan 2009 at 9:30 pm #
So my question to you is, “Why aren’t you in Fiji?” I know you have many answers, and work is probably one of them, or perhaps because you don’t scuba dive. I visited Fiji in 2007, and loved it. But I take any opportunity to travel. I know money is always an issue, but I’m curious what your reason is? I always put adventure before anything else. Cheer up my dear.
Beth on 11 Jan 2009 at 9:47 pm #
When D.J. and I got together, he mentioned he took a yearly dive trip with friends. He’d tried taking non-diving companions before, and it was not good for anyone. So, on this trip at least, I was not invited.
Before you get angry with the man, note that he takes me everywhere else: Vegas, Santa Barbara, Seattle this summer so I can run a marathon, possibly a bike trip soonish.
Plus, we were talking the night before he left, and he talked about us taking a trip to Belize, where I could do non-diving things and he could do some diving and some stuff with me. This would be just the two of us — not the dive group.
PS — My eardrums burst when I go underwater. No, really. I’m not made to be a diver. And it is about the money as well. If I don’t get a check in the box soon….
cigolio (Jeremy B) on 11 Jan 2009 at 9:56 pm #
This is always a tough spot for anyone to be in. You can get so consumed by a relationship, even a fantastic one, that you loose sight of who you are and the people around you. This was something I experienced in a marriage that I no longer have. I wasn’t even aware what had happened to me until I was on my own again.
Once single again, I have learned to take care of myself and to ‘leave no friend behind. This works both ways however. Whatever relationship the future has in store for me, I will not let this happen to myself or my
Not that this is the reason you feel that your friend base has dwindled, just some insights.
You make points that are valid. Do we continue to cultivate old friendships, as well as seek out new ones? Yes, you do. Even in a great relationship, you need a good friend base and you are never as alone as you may think.
The idea of relationships, romantic and otherwise has changed. Whether the world is ready for it or not. Social networking, social media, whatever you call it, is what connects most of us today. I write while sitting at home alone (the kids are asleep). But am I alone? Depends on how you feel about cyber-relationships versus the live and in-person ones.
steph on 12 Jan 2009 at 6:58 am #
Beth: Sigh, I totally understand. While our newly married neighbours across the street never have fewer than four cars in their driveway, often overnight, even, and are almost never home because they’re always socializing, C and I are total homebodies. A trip to Costco is a treat. We watch movies and make pizza. We rarely see friends. It’s because we’ve become too comfortable this way, and I’m really starting to realize, now that I’m working out of the home, how much being social is actually healthy.
While I love being with C, to tell the truth, I have to opposite reaction to his going away (opposite to what you are feeling with DJ gone). I enjoy being alone!
But if we lived closer, you could totally come over. I would make cupcakes ahead of time.
Andrea on 13 Jan 2009 at 7:40 am #
My aunt calls it the “Pity-Me Room”, and we all go there from time to time. When we are comfortable and life is good (i.e. easy) we don’t change and grow. Hence, an occasional trip to the Pity-Me Room is a good thing as it provides opportunity to reflect and evaluate.
D.J. on 13 Jan 2009 at 12:08 pm #
Hello from afar,
My dive trip to Fiji has not been all I had hoped, for several reasons.
First, the serene peacefulness of a tropic Southern Pacific Island has been absent. We are in the midst of a torrential downpour that has lasted for days.
Secondly, I miss Beth. She would have fun here, but this trip has been planned for a very long time. I am just looking forward to getting home and will show her how much I have missed her.
As my stroll down a drenched, muddy Ave. Z, I look ahead to being with its namesake.
D.J.