It’s 6:10 p.m.

I haven’t clocked one minute of billable time today.

Because I haven’t made any money, I have to keep working. The only job I can work on tonight will bring me about a third of the way to my daily quota, and that’s all I’ll be able to do.

Because I still have lots of work to do, I can’t go workout.

Because I’m freaked out about not being able to workout and not having made any money, I’ve been eating … umm…. everything. Most recently: uncooked whole wheat spaghetti. No, really. I’ve got a knot in my stomach (plus a little indigestion) and a small feeling of panic.

It’s moments like these that bring up the fear of failure. I’m not a good business owner, I think. I’m not really an athlete. I’m going to put back all the pounds I lost. I’m going to end up fat, depressed, poor and living in my parents’ basement….

Not too terribly long ago, these thoughts would grow to paralyzing levels. They’d lead to me making a sobbing call to my sister. I’d stop working and start looking for driving routes to Colorado, back to the basement bedroom. Or I’d start looking at the want ads. Or I’d just eat a cupcake and pick up Maureen Dowd’s book “Are Men Necessary?”, which is my favorite “my relationships are doomed” reader.

But… things have changed. In the past year, I’ve learned my work cycles. I know I have the ability to make a living. I am aware that if I skip running for three days that I will be able to run on the fourth. And I know that even if I eat something I shouldn’t, I won’t immediately lose the respect of friends and family.

So, instead of dwelling on the little things I didn’t get done, I recognize that I’m making great progress each day.

• Tomorrow I’m taking the train to Orange County to do a presentation and get more leads.
• I played diva to the meeting planner and asked for a first-class ticket so I can work on the way up and back.
• I’ve prepared to take a big project with me, so I’ll bill more than my minimum tomorrow.
• I spent the day doing some kick-rear marketing for the blog and my business. I also finished up some billing, took Mickey Mouse to the vet for her allergy shot, tuned up my road warrior laptop and wrote a letter back home.
• I didn’t eat a cupcake.