Do we ever really grow up?
A few minutes ago, my neighbor noticed me pressing a cold compress to my head.
“You ok?” he asked.
“Yep. I’m freezing a pimple!” I shot back cheerily.
A pimple. I’m almost 40. I own my own business. I have a master’s degree. And I’m still dealing with skin issues that are usually reserved for teenagers.
But my assumption that I should have outgrown the problem of zits got me thinking…. do we really outgrow the challenges of our youth?
When I was a teen, I wanted everyone to like me. I wanted to excel in the work I was doing and to move forward into an environment that would make me work even harder but would pay off more. I wanted to find a special someone who thought I was awesome. I was overly concerned with my weight and my clothes and my hair style, and how to make money and how to rid myself of unwanted body hair.
Has anything really changed?
Even though we perhaps still face many of the same challenges we have since our first days as adults, one thing sets us apart.
Confidence.
When teens exhibit the confidence to start their own businesses, they make the news. When a 40-year-old woman does it, she makes the rent. We’ve got to find the confidence to face our fears about those lingering problems. Perhaps I’ll never get over the desire to be liked, but I’m confident that I’ll always be able to find people who like me for me. Maybe I’ll never totally love the bathroom scale, but I am confident that no one but me really cares what I weigh.
I wouldn’t go back to being 13 again for a million dollars. Or 23. Or 33. I love being almost 40. I love being confident, well earned with years of mistakes, triumphs, trials and errors. I love knowing that I can leave the house with this damn pimple and laugh about it. My life just keeps getting better, and I’m so very glad to be in it.
steph on 20 Sep 2008 at 5:08 pm #
You sound well balanced!
My skin’s getting much better, but when I hit thirty-two or thereabouts, I suddenly started getting serious breakouts, while in my teen years, I only ever had the odd zit here and there. I haven’t found it in me to really laugh about it, but now I think, you’re right. In the grand scheme of things, zits aren’t much. I’ve had the guts to do a lot of things that to me are pretty amazing.
Besides, I still have baby teeth at 34. Maybe the zits are my body’s way of going into teenage mode. Woohoo!
Sonia Marsh on 21 Sep 2008 at 1:44 pm #
Here’s news from someone who’s 51. I agree that we want people to like us, but I have to tell you something that I consider a miracle that happened to me. Now at 51, I really don’t care if someone does or does not like me. I’ve got enough friends that I’ve stopped trying to be nice to new people, just so they’ll like me. A good example is at the gym. I love to workout, and used to smile and talk to people all the time. I realized I was spending more time trying to get people to like me than working out, so I decided to workout at different gyms, where people don’t know me, and try a new approach. I’m spending time liking myself, reading inspirational books on the bike, and then getting stronger with the weights. I came to the conclusion that in the last 10 years, none of the people I’ve spent time with at the gym have ever invited my husband and I to their house for dinner, none of them have offered me a job, when I said I was looking for one, and none of them have really done anything interesting with their own lives. Only my husband and I have taken a year on a tropical island with our 3 sons when we were 46 years old. So I realized, I no longer need to please people to be liked. I like myself and those people that I truly care about.
Rebecca Smith on 22 Sep 2008 at 3:23 pm #
Good for you, Beth! Getting older is a blessing; realizing that it’s a blessing is a gift.
Rebecca Eberle on 23 Sep 2008 at 8:23 am #
Ah, I love this post. I agree with you absolutely! I could care less these days about the random pimples (well, I care a little). When I was thirteen, I was competitive, tried to always do my best, and hated failing. That hasn’t changed at all! But I am far more confident and obviously able to stand on my own two feet. I would not trade that for anything!
To life!
Beth on 23 Sep 2008 at 1:45 pm #
@ Steph — You’re just 34? And you have your own business? And you’re launching a new company? You inspire me.
@ Sonia — welcome to Ave Z! You are absolutely right about not caring what others think. I’m fully convinced that we have only so much energy to live in this world. I try not to spend energy on people I don’t care for or things that don’t matter. Sometimes I have to remind myself to step away (like with a former client who never paid his bill and just wrote me an insulting note — penis head!).
@ Rebecca Smith — Yep, I never knew women in my age group were so dang cool. I’m surrounded by amazing women who inspire me. I also appreciate the men in my age group who have learned to appreciate us.
@ Rebecca Eberle — I think most entrepreneurs are competitive, but we don’t necessarily consider our period of growth as a period of failure. We have a little more patience at this age to get through the whole process. To life indeed!
And you're telling me this because.... | Life on Avenue Z on 16 Jan 2009 at 8:54 am #
[...] are really 7 things you don’t know about me if you’ve been reading for a while. I get pimples. I’ve never acquired the habit of brushing my teeth before I go to bed. I wear weird clothes [...]