It’s 6:10 p.m.

I haven’t clocked one minute of billable time today.

Because I haven’t made any money, I have to keep working. The only job I can work on tonight will bring me about a third of the way to my daily quota, and that’s all I’ll be able to do.

Because I still have lots of work to do, I can’t go workout.

Because I’m freaked out about not being able to workout and not having made any money, I’ve been eating … umm…. everything. Most recently: uncooked whole wheat spaghetti. No, really. I’ve got a knot in my stomach (plus a little indigestion) and a small feeling of panic.

It’s moments like these that bring up the fear of failure. I’m not a good business owner, I think. I’m not really an athlete. I’m going to put back all the pounds I lost. I’m going to end up fat, depressed, poor and living in my parents’ basement….

Not too terribly long ago, these thoughts would grow to paralyzing levels. They’d lead to me making a sobbing call to my sister. I’d stop working and start looking for driving routes to Colorado, back to the basement bedroom. Or I’d start looking at the want ads. Or I’d just eat a cupcake and pick up Maureen Dowd’s book “Are Men Necessary?”, which is my favorite “my relationships are doomed” reader.

But… things have changed. In the past year, I’ve learned my work cycles. I know I have the ability to make a living. I am aware that if I skip running for three days that I will be able to run on the fourth. And I know that even if I eat something I shouldn’t, I won’t immediately lose the respect of friends and family.

So, instead of dwelling on the little things I didn’t get done, I recognize that I’m making great progress each day.

• Tomorrow I’m taking the train to Orange County to do a presentation and get more leads.
• I played diva to the meeting planner and asked for a first-class ticket so I can work on the way up and back.
• I’ve prepared to take a big project with me, so I’ll bill more than my minimum tomorrow.
• I spent the day doing some kick-rear marketing for the blog and my business. I also finished up some billing, took Mickey Mouse to the vet for her allergy shot, tuned up my road warrior laptop and wrote a letter back home.
• I didn’t eat a cupcake.

A must for freelancers:

I just heard about this new service that allows you to sign up to see who is Googling you and from where! I think you can use it for your name and keywords.

I’m not 100 percent sure of all the functionality because the site is down, probably from the national story that I just saw. You might check back tomorrow.

www.ziggs.com

More about self-Googling

Sometimes when the going is tough, I recite these phrases, some stolen, some original, to help me muddle through. Hope they help you as well. Add your own!

1. All I’ve got left is tenacity, but I’ve got a LOT of tenacity!
   I repeated this phrase over and over again during my first 20-mile run, which was one of the toughest physical and mental things I’ve done. I was running alone, overheated, dehydrated, crying, exhausted, dead last and absolutely not in shape for the physical exertion. But I kept repeating those words, and somehow I finally got to where the rest of the team was waiting. I still use it when the road gets rough.
2. Enjoy this day.
   This is Mom’s phrase. She ends almost every conversation with those words, said in a way that never sounds commonplace. She really means it. “Beth, enjoy this day.” It makes me smile every time, and I really try to think about the enjoyment of my daily life because of her words.
3. “I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul.”
   The line is from “Invictus,” a poem by William Ernest Henley. What a motivator! What a rise-from-the-ashes inspiration! I’ve memorized it, and I often think of it when I need to be strong. You’re probably more familiar with the last two lines: “I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.”
4. If you’re happy where you are, you can’t regret where you’ve been.
   This is another Beth original. My philosophy is that we are the sum total of all the good and bad that we’ve encountered… every experience, traumatic or euphoric, has shaped our lives to get us to where we sit today. And if today we’re sitting in a wonderful chair in a beautiful apartment as we work at a job we love, we cannot regret choices we’ve made or be sad about situations that have befallen us. Because if those things hadn’t happened, we wouldn’t be where we are today.
5. Today is a great day to be amazing.
   This is my signature phrase — definitely my favorite. I thought of it in Philly and turned it into a wall decal for my office. I have a dream to get someone creative to turn it into a nice design and sell these on CafePress. But I don’t think anyone would buy it… Every time I say it, I get surprising reactions, such as, “Beth, I think today is a great day to be mediocre,” and “That makes me tired,” and “Who wants to be amazing all the time? It’s too much work.”

As a small business owner, do you know when you (or your employees) are leaving money on the table?

Consider this story: D.J. and I are on a road trip to Central California for a bike race he has Saturday in San Luis Obispo. He wanted to avoid the traffic near LA, so we left last night and drove to Santa Barbara.

I’m not sure what was happening in Santa Barbara, but the first four hotels we passed had no vacancies. We found a Best Western near the end of the strip and decided to try.

The nice clerk at the desk pulled up the availability on the computer.

“Well, we do have one room left,” he said. “It’s normally $185, but since it’s so late I can give it to you for $155.”

Huh? He was looking at an exhausted couple, ready to find a room for the night. His room was the only one we had seen available in miles. If he had said the room was $225, we’d have hoped for an AAA discount and paid the money (I’m pretty sure).

But, without any whining, bargaining, prompting or even any sufficient reason to pity us, he offered a fairly good discount off his only remaining room.

I have been in sales. I AM in sales. I sell myself and my service every day. And I have to admit it’s still tough when I state my price and hear silence. I have to stop myself from saying, “Ok, ok, I’ll drop it to X.” But I know much better than to walk into a selling situation offering a discount that no one has asked for.

Ask yourself — are you selling yourself short? If so, chances are you don’t believe in the value of the price you’re charging. If so, repeat after me: I am worth the fee I charge.