burned-outI think the biggest danger for small business owner burnout is when a business starts to take off but right before it’s actually a self-perpetuating machine. It’s when you’re working long, hard hours and still not really making enough money to relax. You’re on the cusp of success, but you have to keep pushing really hard to make sure you don’t fall to the wrong side of the precipice.

I’m there, and my legs are starting to cramp from balancing on this tightrope. My sister called from her vacation yesterday, and I actually shed tears when I talked to D.J. last night about how much I long for real time off. My last real vacation was in 2002 when my parents and I went to Alaska, a few months after my husband left. My phone had no reception, and I sat all day and read books on the 11-person boat. I explored shores where a thousand colored starfish clung to rocks in crystal-clear water. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was and how relaxed I became.

The rest of the days off I’ve taken have been spent with the family in Denver — holiday breaks that are fun and chaotic and drive me a little bonkers. I sneak a day off here and there, but I’m never truly off — when the BlackBerry blinks red, I’m on again.

These days I’m either working or worrying about working 16-18 hours a day. My mind doesn’t take many breaks. I generally manage to not sit down at the computer to work on Saturdays, mainly because I run hard in the morning then need a nap in the afternoon, then do something social Saturday evening. I work almost every Sunday for at least 4 hours. And during the week, I sit here from about 7 to 7, usually stopping too close to sundown and cursing myself for having to take an hour-long run in the dark. I’m usually back by 9 or so, then I bathe, sleep, and start again.

Like I’ve written before … how can I take a vacation? Call it poor money management or poor planning or whatever — the truth is I still live month to month. I have a buffer and a little cache of ready cash should my business blow up completely, but not much. To take a vacation, I’d not only have to have the money to go, but I’d also have to have the money to cover not making money. And that’s not the case.

So I’m burning and churning. Today I received notes from two clients about little things and big things I need to get done for them. I have a deadline for an article for another client, who also sent a new project yesterday. I just received an update from a fourth client, and I have to get into something there as well. And that doesn’t count a couple of other folks, plus some clients who have gotten quiet, meaning I need to find out when they will need me again.

Well, this post has taken me 45 minutes to write, so I guess I better start making a living (I’m keeping track of my every activity to analyze where I waste the most time).

By the way — even as I write this, I’m cringing, hoping that I don’t sound too whiny or ungrateful. I LOVE my job. I LOVE my clients. I LOVE being helpful and giving them content they need. I don’t mean to complain or to say that my life sucks. I’m one lucky woman, and I know it. I just get tired sometimes.