Twice this week I’ve received requests for me to speak at conferences. The first one freaked me out because he wants me to commit for FEBRUARY of 2009! And the second, the very next day, asked for a date in JULY 2009!

July 2009? You want me to commit to something more than a year from now???? I don’t know what I’m doing this weekend. Next year??

I would consider myself changeable, perhaps full of whimsy and adventure. I wouldn’t say flaky, but I suppose some would. But I do find it difficult to think of anything — jobs, locales, relationships — in a long-term context.

I’ve lived in (in order, but duplicates omitted the second time) Indiana, North Carolina, Louisiana, New York, Texas, California, Virginia, Alabama, Mali (West Africa), Colorado and Pennsylvania. I’ve been a (not in order) journalist, documentation specialist, technical writer, Peace Corps volunteer, college instructor, magazine writer, bed-and-breakfast manager, education director, sales executive, head housekeeper, waitress, cross-country odd-jobber and a business owner. There’s no reason to go over my history of relationships here: you get the picture.

The problem is not really fear of commitment. It’s excitement about adventures. What’s next? Where to? Why not? I’m on my own, without children, not living close to family and not tied down. And the world is so big….

This, of course, seems to be at cross purposes with my goal of building a solid business. But here’s the funny thing: I actually have no plans to go anywhere. I love San Diego. I adore working for myself. I love writing and my clients. I can’t for the life of me come up with a reason to change things. I have business goals and projects I want to keep working on. Yep, can’t see any reason to leave.

I consulted with colleagues on a group list about making commitments that far out. They all said: Honey, be grateful. Commit. Take it while you can get it. So I am committing to these speaking engagements, and I’m trying not to panic.