An impromptu coping mechanism
Today’s philosophical question: If a tree falls in the forest and no one worries about it, can we really consider it a problem?
I’m a chronic worrier, and now I’m worried about relationships. This weekend D.J. and I ended our attempt at reconciliation. And now I’m worried about facing 40 with no love prospects, headed straight toward a sad and lonely death that no one discovers until my cats get hungry and start meowing.
But last night a friend and I were talking about worry and stress, and an insight came to me. What if I just stopped worrying about finding someone? What if I refused to give mental energy to stressing about being alone? Wouldn’t the problem that exists simply go away if it didn’t have something to feed it?
Another realization hit me at the same time: that’s the philosophy I have regarding the economy. I don’t worry about the economy, about the ups and downs and whether we’re in a recession. I don’t give any energy to thinking about not having enough work. I simply put energy toward creating work and keeping work. Thus, the problem of not having enough work doesn’t exist for me.
Of course, this philosophy doesn’t really work when you’re talking about real financial shortages or health issues. Ignoring the fact that you’re in poor health does not make your poor health go away. But what could you do with the energy that you give to worrying about the fact that you have poor health? If you could redirect that negative energy into a different channel, perhaps you’d see positive changes.
My conclusion…. worry feeds and creates problems that don’t have to exist.
Of course, I came to this conclusion after I put my profile onto two online dating sites and placing an ad in the personals section on Craigslist. Yeah, no one ever said I was bright when it comes to boys.
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Claire on 10 Jun 2008 at 7:15 am #
Coupla things: One of my favorite sayings goes something like this: What you focus on increases. I think that’s a law of nature. So, if you focus on being alone you get more of that. If you focus on wealth (supposedly) you get more of that. In theory.
Also, have you read All the Rules? Someone recently recommended that to me. Enlightening. If I’d read this when I was 25, or even 15, I might be married now to the love of my life.
Beth on 10 Jun 2008 at 7:17 am #
Claire, I love that saying. Sounds like it’s something I need to put on my wall.
I haven’t read “All the Rules.” Heck. I haven’t read any rules. But my friend last night said, “You think you know what you want from a guy in a relationship, right? Well, you’re wrong, because none of your relationships have worked.”
I bought her a beer.
Claire on 10 Jun 2008 at 7:41 am #
Here’s another saying in my head - I have lots of these. I tell people my “picker is broken”. Obviously, cuz I’m in the same boat as you. The Rules is basically about old-fashioned dating and letting the boy chase you - it’s in their nature. It’s also about being independent and doing your own thing (modern feminism.)
Mel on 10 Jun 2008 at 12:15 pm #
Oh, no-no-no-no! You HAVE to read “Men are Easy.”
http://www.menareeasy.com/
I’m telling you, Beth, you will look completely different at men and relationships! Especially if you’re in a constant state of worry… which I have always seemed to find myself.
Beth on 10 Jun 2008 at 12:18 pm #
Mel, I’ll take all the advice I can get. A friend just pointed out that I have spent a solid 18 of my 39 years engaged in looking for love in one way or another.
Eighteen years of dating. Shoot me now.
Papa on 10 Jun 2008 at 1:40 pm #
Your Papa loves you
steph on 10 Jun 2008 at 5:10 pm #
@ Claire: you’re talking about the law of attraction! What you resist persists! What you focus on, as you said, becomes reality.
@Beth: I think you have it down, my friend. you’re on the right track. People always say they lost weight when they stopped obsessing, or the right guy came along when they weren’t looking for him. If you constantly focus on what you want (to be happy and happily linked with a significant other) rather than on what you don’t want (to be lonely or single or whatever), what you want must happen. It’s all about thinking positively, by which I mean reworking your thoughts and your words to read positively rather than in the negative tense. As editors and writers we understand such a thing; it’s sort of like changing passive voice to active. Recast “I don’t want to gain weight or be fat” to read “I want to be slim and healthy” and your whole attitude changes, as well as your actions.
I’m sounding as though I’ve got this down. I do not. I know the talk, but it’s damn hard to walk it. My hubby’s working on a positive attitude site and he reminds me and tries to keep me on track. I too am a worry-wort, especially when it comes to finances and work. And I’m thus usually broke and without work. The past two weeks without, I’ve been focusing on writing and being grateful for my job, and guess what? Out of the blue, three jobs arrived for me today. I love it! Next is that gigantic check that I’ve been waiting for, I just know it.
PS. An impromptu albeit very temporary coping mechanism for me is chocolate, btw. Green & Black’s Organic Mayan Gold, or something equally delicious!
steph on 10 Jun 2008 at 5:10 pm #
Oh my goodness! Sorry for how long my above comment is…
What the heck am I doing with this blog? | Life on Avenue Z on 11 Jul 2008 at 9:02 am #
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