This morning I was driving back from track practice (where the general consensus is if you’re not almost ready to throw up, you’re not running hard enough). About five blocks from my house, a scruffy man on one crutch held a sign at the stoplight: ANYTHING HELPS.

I was driving my Mazda Miata with the top down, listening to jazz music on the Bose stereo and trying not to sweat too much on the leather seats. Instantly I felt like an indulgent elitist. I was on my way back to my fantastic apartment to take a hot shower with pricey shampoos and a body scrubber from a high-end salon. Ok, I actually was going to wash with CVS brand shampoo and the last drips of my Dr. Bronner’s soap, but I digress. I still had much more waiting for me than this guy did.

So I pulled over and handed him a dollar. He thanked me, adding, “I’m going to go find something to eat now.” And I drove off, a little bit less guilt ridden (but not much).

As I drove away, I thought of something someone said to me when I’ve given handouts before: “Hey, you actually earned that dollar, worked for it. He didn’t. Don’t give your money away.”

As a freelance copywriter who runs her own business, I realized that I absolutely earn every frigging penny I make these days. Every single one. When I drew a salary from the bed and breakfast or at my previous company, I could coast some days. When I worked at an environmental organization, my husband crafted one of those wonderful “I never wanted to hurt you, but…” letters before he ran off to Tennessee to be with someone he dated when he was 17. I stayed on the payroll at my company, but I didn’t do ANYTHING for weeks. Months. I simply existed until the pain dulled.

But these days, every single penny I am paid comes about because I spend time on every single project I am asked to do. I’ve talked about working on retainer with a couple of companies, but so far I’m still pretty much an hourly person.

At any rate, now that I’m earning every penny I make, my gift of a dollar to that guy means a little more to me than it did when I was simply handed money every two weeks, no matter how much I worked or didn’t work. I know not everyone approves of giving money to strangers, but I hope he enjoyed breakfast.