I’m still unpacking my office after the move, and today I set up my digital picture frame. I hadn’t had it plugged in for several months, and I didn’t know what was on the memory stick.

Most of the pictures are my adorable nephews, and all day long I’ve been looking up and smiling at the little guys. But a few minutes ago, I looked up and caught my breath. A picture of me and the recent ex-boyfriend, smiling at a local pizza joint.

Ouch. I remember the day. I remember the pizza. I remember how he resisted the camera and wouldn’t smile. And the next shot was one he asked someone to take when we went to see The Simpsons Movie. It’s blurry, and I remember being sad because it was such a good photo op with the life-size Simpsons statues and giant couch.

And there are a couple of shots of him with his head down, lost in thought as he studied the Scrabble letters.

And then there’s the really tough one: workers were repairing my sidewalk, and he scratched “Art [heart] Beth” into the wet cement, even though he knew even then that he didn’t heart me at all. Luckily the workers came back earlier and removed his graffiti: otherwise I’d have rented a jackhammer when he dumped me.

This is the ex-boyfriend who inspired one of my most read posts, “I just got dumped.” We tried to remain friends, but I told him very recently that talking to him makes me too sad.

He represents failure to me, and it hurts. He represents rejection and reminds me that I just didn’t cut it for him. I’m not in love with him, nor do I pine about getting back together. But I’m just reminded of sad moments when I think of him.

I had the same feeling of discomfort and past failures yesterday when I was doing some invoicing. One of my first clients asked me to do a small flyer. I toiled for a couple of days, sent them a draft, and they said, “Great! We’re tweaking it and we’ll start using it.” But there was something weird about their tone. And they became very. very. very. quiet.

I had an eerie feeling that I wouldn’t get paid. And I haven’t. And their unpaid invoice for $150 remains on my outstanding invoice list. And every time I see it, I feel like I failed, and I feel like I didn’t do right by them, and I feel like a wimp for not trying harder to collect (though I have called and left messages, plus sent a couple of emails).