Why her and not me?
Last night my wonderful friend Erin came over. As frequently happens, the two of us started discussing relationships, guys, life stages, etc. Erin’s in her 20s, and many of her friends are married. They have houses and husbands and Christmas cards with family pictures. They’re starting to have babies.
Most of my friends are either perpetually single or divorced and looking, but that doesn’t mean Erin and I didn’t ask the same question: “Why them and not me? How’d they figure things out?”
When I quit my job to start my own business as a freelance copywriter, I looked at the leadership at my old company and asked, “What do these guys have that I don’t?” When the board of directors used to gather around the conference table, the men were all handsome, trim, well-spoken, organized. And wealthy. Very wealthy.What brought them to that table? I asked myself. Why did they get to come in with a portfolio while I ordered lunch for the meeting from the local deli?
In those first fearful days after I quit, I revisited that question. Why not me?
My answer…. No reason in the world.
I’m just as smart as those guys. I have just as much ambition. I’m just as organized and as adventurous. So I started my own business, and I have big plans. And Erin has big plans: her Ph.D., her teaching and research. Plus she has a full-time job sharing her spirit and energy with everyone she meets.
As things kick up, I keep asking myself… “Now that you’ve got what you wanted, is this really what you want?” My answer for now is yes. I’m where I want to be in my career. I want to be at that conference table with the portfolio.
Note to Erin and to myself regarding this question and relationships: Just because our cohorts are living what our society calls a rich American life (2 kids, 2 dogs, 2-parent household with Christmases at the grandparents’), that doesn’t mean that we’re not living a rich American life (Erin’s pursuit of a Ph.D., my business). If we really wanted to walk down the aisle and end up in the delivery room, we could. But we’ve got other plans.
Posts
Erin on 21 Feb 2008 at 3:39 pm #
Thanks Beth
D.J. on 22 Feb 2008 at 6:25 am #
My stroll down Ave. Z continues with an analysis of the conflict between the employed and the self-employed. I, for one, have spent long periods of time being both. Which brings me to the reasons why some of choose to venture out on our own, much like choosing a partner.
For one, it is a matter of looking at the situation and having a gut feeling that you can be in a far better place than you are presently. I looked at my career and realized that I know how not to do things, so I opened up my own office so I could do things the right way. That was seven years ago and from all indications, I guess I am doing things the right way.
So when a choice is made, with a partner or business, we take responsibility for our decisions, be accountable to ourselves, and never look back, and on the wall will be the writing award or the PhD.
Let the others say to themselves “Why them and not me?”
D.J.