I carry all the gift cards I own in my wallet these days so I don’t miss an opportunity to spend money that’s already spent. Merchandise gift cards have become the super hot gift of choice because they’re basically the non-gift. It’s grandma’s old $20 bill in the Christmas card, only with a specific purpose (books, music, expensive underwear, etc) and a time limit.

I know there are a few issues with retailers having challenges with accounting when gift cards aren’t redeemed, but I think gift cards are one of the most ingenious marketing ideas of the last two decades. Think about it: someone spends $20 on a card for you from Barnes and Noble. First of all, you have to shop at Barnes and Noble, so they get points for branding and for the sale as well. When you redeem it, you’re never going to spend exactly $20. You could spend $17.94 and carry a balance of $2.06 that someone spent at the store but the store never had to trade for merchandise. Or you may spend $21.19, and you give the store another $1.19 that they didn’t already have. Either way, the store benefits more than $20 for the $20 gift card.

Rebates are another wonderful way that retailers can brand themselves and benefit financially as well. A digital camera costs $249, but it has two mail-in rebates worth a total of $100, so you go in to buy the $149 camera. You pay $249 plus tax, and you get a long receipt with instructions and forms and tiny little terms and conditions. IF you do end up sending them in (and retailers count on many of you not bothering), it’s easy to do something wrong and to get rejected. So in 8 weeks you get a note saying you need the tiny little line on the left of the bar code, and you give up.

As a provider of professional copywriting services, I’ve offered coupons before. I send out a monthly newsletter, and I offered a free press release to 1888 subscribers. That scared the you know what out of me, thinking I’d get a dozen or so freebies. Instead, I got one inquiry about my press release services. One. Out of 1888 coupons. Well, it’s more like 1886 if you take out my mother and father from the list. But still.

I think for next Christmas I’ll offer the Avenue Z Gift Card. Buy an hour’s worth of marketing copy for a friend? Hmmm. Maybe not. I can’t think of a single person who would look forward to that in their stocking.