Sitting in my inbox at this very moment is an email that may very well change my life.

Or not.

It’s a book contract, sent to me by a small publisher who approached me about writing the hard-copy version of The Cheapskate Freelancer tools and tips. He’s been a follower of this blog, that blog and my journey as a freelance writer for several years. And he sees lots of potential.

Ummm. Let me say it again: A PUBLISHER ASKED ME TO WRITE A BOOK! Usually the way this works is that an author writes an in-depth proposal about a nonfiction book she wants to write. She sends it out to agents and big-name publishers and progressively smaller publishers, trading her self-addressed, stamped envelopes for rejection letters. Or that is how I pictured things would work, which is why I was daunted about trying to shop the idea around.

Instead, this guy approached me, and, if things go well in our conversation and negotiations next week, I’ll have a deadline of May 1 for a manuscript and artwork (THREE MONTHS! Argh!). And if things go as planned, the book will come out Nov. 1, just in time to buy your copies for holiday gifts.

I’m dancing. I’m freaking. I’m trying to figure out what to do. See, I had this whole fiction thing planned out, and I started writing every day, and I had interviews set up with local authors to get their advice, and I signed up for an online writing course taught by my former writing mentor’s mentor. I was gonna make that happen, but then this fell into my lap. And this is just too amazing an opportunity to pass up.

This has such opportunity! When the book comes out, I’ll have more credibility as a speaker, and I’ll have the opportunity to sell books during my presentations. I can create special ebooks online as a bonus for buying the book or for sale themselves. I can launch the sponsorship program I want to do on Cheapskate Freelancer and, for the first time ever, actually earn money from the hours and hours I have spent blogging.

So, Beth, what’s the hangup? I’m not sure, but I’m sure there is one somewhere in there. I see a significant challenge in the time/money connection. The way the standard contract is worded, I may not see a payment of any kind until mid-2011. That’s kind of a tough one to swallow. I need to dedicate some serious, serious time to both writing it and developing a stronger network to promote it. Serious time. When most authors add up the man hours it takes to produce a book compared to the amount they make from the book… we’ll let’s just say working at McDonald’s probably pays better.

I’m also concerned about things falling apart. See, I once danced and sang and fretted when I signed a book contract for America on Five Dollars an Hour, the nonfiction account of a 26-state journey my sister and I took together in 1996. After two painful years of demoralizing rewrites, the book ended up being crap, and the publisher and I parted ways. I still have the original 50-page, single-spaced, double-sided, indention-free version that I wrote on a portable typewriter as we traveled around the country, working as dog sitters, airplane washers, housekeepers and carburetor kit assembly people. I also have at least four versions of the thing here on this laptop and several hard copies in the garage. As the book died its slow death and I realized it would never be bound, I was humiliated, depressed and discouraged. I learned a lot about the process, but my grand idea was sacrificed for the lesson.

And don’t think I’m not worried about writing about my fears in public. The publisher reads this blog, of course. He’s a friend on Twitter and Facebook. He’s going to see my excitement and fear and concerns. But I have to trust that he probably appreciates my honesty and recognizes it as part of the process this author ( I can’t speak for others) goes through when presented with such an overwhelming opportunity. I don’t think he’ll back off because I’m a passionate writer and very talented worrywart.

Besides, I’ve vowed to myself that if this contract falls through for whatever reason, I’m going to go forward with this idea. I’m going to write the proposal, shop it around, collect rejection letters and hopefully find a great partner who will love this idea. I’ve already dropped the fiction course in anticipation of a frantic writing pace for the next few months. I might as well crank this out regardless of the outcome of this particular opportunity.

These days I love to write my posts to ask for your opinions, feedback, ideas, experiences and more. I want to hear from you, not just blabber on about my life. But this post is kind of old school. I’m not writing this post to ask you what to do (I’m moving forward) or to collect kudos (let’s not pop the champagne until the Jello sets a little more). I’m simply publishing some exciting news and sharing my reaction, and I’m warning you that this might be a bumpy ride.

What could you accomplish if you REALLY kept your New Year’s Resolution? What if you just stuck to a plan until you achieved a life-long goal? How would this change your life, make you better, give you a sense of pride?

As we start a New Year, I think we need to consider making ourselves more accountable for the dreams we have, especially those we’ve always had. How long have you been telling yourself you would like to live a more healthy lifestyle? How many times have you started on the path, only to fall back into old habits? I would bet that each time you try and fail, you flog yourself internally. And the goal stays with you, haunting you even as you try to ignore it. What if you could accomplish that goal and leave that worry behind? What else could you accomplish?

I can’t tell you how long I’ve threatened to write a book. In my second-grade memory book, I wrote that I wanted to be a writer. That means I’ve been holding on to the dream for at least 34 years. It’s time to do something about it. So, I commit to giving it a sincere try.

For the past three days, I’ve been tapping the keyboard on my laptop at the kitchen table. I’ve got a great idea for a mystery series, and dammit, I’m going to get the words down on paper. Today I wrote answers to a series of questions about one of my main characters: where does she live? what does she look like? what does she eat? The more I write about her, the more I want to get to know her, to introduce her to my friends and family so they can enjoy who she is. I thought about her all the way to work this morning, mulling over what she might say if we met or how she might react to all the hardbodies I saw in the gym this morning. I’m actually looking forward to the next time I get to put her story on paper tomorrow.

I can tell you, though, that sticking to this goal is not going to be easy. Each day I’ve sat at the table and stared at the screen, fully convinced I have nothing to say. I’m positive that my dialog is stilted, that I’m relying too much on plot and not on characters, that I’m telling, not showing. I fret that I’m wasting my time because the publishing industry is stilted, and less than 4 percent of writers ever sell enough to write full time — and perhaps the real percentage is even smaller than that. What chance do I have of publishing? And if I do manage to find a publisher, what’s the likelihood that the book will actually become a success?

Logically, I should realize that my chance of being a successful author is so remote that I should drop it. I should concentrate on the status quo, which is actually pretty darn cool. I’m a successful freelance copywriter, a somewhat sought-after speaker and a helpful marketing hand when needed. Achieving what I have in this competitive realm is a rarity, but achieve it I did. So why mess with success?

Because the dream won’t go away. I can’t get it out of my head. If I don’t do it, I’ll drive myself mad. So, let’s hear your dream, your goal, your resolution. Step up with me to declare your dream outloud and COMMIT to making it happen. Because when we free up the energy we devote to worrying about whether we achieve this dream, who knows what we’ll have time for?

Leave your comments and COMMIT with me! We can do this together….

For the second year I’m hosting the Avenue Z Virtual Food Drive (you HAVE to see the new cool site. Click here and Pledge!), and I’m hoping for TWICE the donations as last year (click here for the original story). Since I’m stepping up the publicity and the goal, I figured I better step up my efforts to get the donations. So last night on my way home from work, I stopped a few blocks from home to go door-to-door.

As always, I’m amazed at people’s generosity. Strangers bid me welcome into their houses, asked me to sit and rummaged through their cupboards. It was pitch black outside, and they didn’t know me from anybody, yet with little effort on my part I collected 4 bags of canned goods.

In one home, a woman invited me to sit as she searched for donations, even though she assured me she had given and given and given and probably had nothing left. “But I don’t want to send you away empty handed,” she said.

I chatted with her and her daughter for a while, and then the woman’s eyes lit up. “Oh goodness. I’m helping you, and maybe you can help me!” she said when I handed her my card. “You are a speaker, right? Well I run a group, and we need speakers every month….”

Lo and behold, I landed a speaking gig! Ok, so it’s a talk to the octogenarians at the Ladies’ Friendship Circle at the nearby Presbyterian church, but still!  The president said I’d probably be bigger than their bingo nights! Almost every time I go out to give a presentation, I end up with more business and more speaking engagements. An opportunity is an opportunity.

As the sole employee of Avenue Z Writing Solutions, it’s easy to isolate myself from others. Even though I now have a beautiful office of my own, I still come to work alone, spend most of the day alone and stay in my box. But I’m working to expand my network of business and personal connections. I recently joined a networking group called the San Diego Coastal Professional Group, which is comprised of local business owners of all types (including my new printer, Mario from SDPrint.com). We meet for breakfast once every two weeks to share education, encourage referrals and, well, eat breakfast. The dues for the group are minimal, and I’m hoping my efforts will really pay off. I want to put down deeper roots here in San Diego, both for myself and my business. And almost every time I reach out, I benefit.

PLEASE, please, please  stop by www.avenuezfooddrive.com to pledge to give to a local food bank. We’re looking for FOUR TONS of food donations to food banks around the world!

The last couple of days have been very exciting. This fall I read one of my short stories at a DimeStories event, and it tickled the funny bone of a reporter for The San Diego Reader. When he wrote a column about the event, he called my piece “the funniest story of the evening.”

The funniest story of the evening was told by a woman who wrote about going to the bathroom at work and having her boss sit in the stall next to her. People often talk about the Seinfeld where Elaine was in the bathroom and ran out of toilet paper. Well, the story told on this night was ten times funnier.

Awesome, right? I’m on top of the world. He asked me to post the whole story in the comments, and DimeStories went on to post the audio on the home page of their site. Awesome, awesome, awesome!

Now here’s the problem… My mother is mortified I wrote the story. It makes people squeamish. When people laughed at it during the reading, their eyes were wide and they covered their mouths with their hands in embarrassment. It is an oh-my-god-is-she-really-saying-that story. And I read it with all the gusto it deserves, which makes it even more atrocious.

So, here I am a professional writer with my own successful business. Do I keep news of my fiction away from my clients? Would they approve of a freelancer who writes copy for their website one minute and off-color fiction the next? Isn’t this like the female police officer who moonlights as a stripper? I’m really torn. Frankly, I love this piece. It makes me laugh, and it doesn’t make me uncomfortable at all to read it aloud. And I can’t tell you how excited I am that it’s gotten so much attention.

My gut feeling is that my present clients wouldn’t mind — in fact, they may get a kick out of it. They’ve known me for a while, and they know I’m a little off. I even sent it directly to a couple of them because I thought they’d laugh*. In addition, I truly hope to one day (soon?) make a living writing my own stuff. But I just sent out a massive mailing to try to solicit more clients. If they root around online and find this piece, would that be a turnoff?

It’s kinda too late now to ask that question. The story is out there, and my name is on it. If there are consequences, I’ll have to live with them.

For your uncomfortable listening/reading pleasure: “The Best Laid Plans of a Professional Meeting Planner”

• The audio (funniest)
• The published version (I love the comments)

*Neither of the clients I sent it to have written me back. Err.